Journal

June 2025:

Living by Generosity

An end-of-retreat Dana appeal by Jayaraja (transcribed)

"So I'm going to talk about something sacred—not Manchester United—I’m going to talk about money.

"It’s not easy talking about money because of what’s happened with the advent of capitalism. Money was once this beautiful thing—it meant we no longer needed to trade equivalents. I didn’t have to wonder whether my apples were worth the same as your milk. Money made connection across culture possible. That’s amazing.

"But I don’t know about you—money, for me, easily gets tied up with self-worth. Even after 36 years as a practising Buddhist, if I meet someone extremely wealthy, I can lose my sense of value. It’s strange. Our culture is so enamoured with wealth.

"But not all cultures are. I was reading about the Lakota Indians. For them, status came from how much you gave away. A leader would give everything—literally everything—and leave the village naked, heading off alone into the wild. And as they left, villagers would hang a bowl from a tree, or leave arrows or clothes along the path—so the leader was supported, and would return knowing they were held. That’s the kind of culture we’re trying to create here at Alfoxton.

"When we first came here, it looked like we’d be well-funded—the donor who helped us buy the place said he would keep funding it. But a year later, he disappeared. So we had to ask: how do we survive?

"And what I trusted—what we trusted—was this: if we hold to generosity, to beauty, and try to create something of real value, people will respond. And so far, we’re five years in, and we’ve survived.

"Hopefully in those years, we’ve not only given something to everyone who’s come—but to future generations too.

"We’ve got a very creative group here. For a few weeks, some of us went to the refugee hotel in Bridgwater, where 300 refugees are living, and offered music workshops. Then we brought them here for the day—two-year-olds, wild 11-year-olds—and somehow we survived!

"But that’s the spirit we want: giving. Because I believe it’s the only way we’ll survive—not just at Alfoxton, but as a culture. We need to move from exchange and scarcity toward a culture where your wellbeing matters to me, and mine to you.

"So when we talk about money on retreat, it’s not a transaction. You’re not paying for your place here. This retreat has been given to you—because the people on the last retreat gave. And now, hopefully, you’ll give too. And then we’ll have enough to give something to Mahasuka, to say thank you for his gift. And enough to say, “Yes, we can do this again.”

"So your money waters the seeds of beauty you want to see in the world.

"Now hopefully, you’re okay financially—you’re not wondering how you’ll eat this week. But if you are, you can still come to Alfoxton. This place runs on generosity. We have 15 core community members. None are on a proper wage. Three get £400 a month. The rest get nothing, but they live here, are fed, and take part in community life.

"Some people earn a little outside. Liv gardens in the village. Jessica’s been a gardener, a taxi driver. Holly bakes bread. Catherine teaches online. We do what we can to support each other and keep the project going.

"And we’re trying to grow—not just survive. This year we bought a dome, for £15,000, to increase capacity. We’re building a new kitchen and toilet block. We want to fix the roof. We’re pushing forward.

"And no—I don’t think any of you are secret millionaires! But if you are, and you can easily give a million, come and see me.

"For the rest of us, the invitation is: feel into your heart. What would I enjoy giving?"

"

March 2025:

Precious silence

A conversation with Paramananda

“The silence that is in the starry sky,

The sleep that is among the lonely hills.”

- William Wordsworth, Song at the Feast of Brougham Castle

For two weeks in June, Alfoxton falls silent as Paramananda leads his Gesture of Awakening (GOA) retreat.  Or almost silent: there's still the birdsong, the wind, sung mantra's, and shamanic drumming.

Community member Mikey B discusses with Paramananda what makes this such a precious time, at the heart of Alfoxton's yearly programme. 

______

Mikey B: I’ve been twice to Gesture of Awakening and it’s had a deeply positive impact on my life. For those considering doing their first silent retreat, why silence?

Paramananda: The main reason is to help people relax more deeply. We spend so much time presenting ourselves to the world, maintaining a social persona, rehearsing responses. Silence takes that pressure off. It’s not about avoiding communication but shifting how we engage. Often, people on silent retreat feel they know each other more deeply than if they’d been talking the whole time.

Mikey B: Yes, I’ve felt that. There’s still connection, but of a different kind.

Paramananda: Exactly. We tune in to others and ourselves. We become more aware of our internal voice, which is usually drowned out. And we also start noticing external sounds—wind in the trees, birdsong. I experience this especially now that I’ve lost my sight. But I think for everyone sound roots us in a place.

Mikey B: So the soundscape is an essential part of the silent retreat experience?

Paramananda: Yes, and the act of listening itself is a rich metaphor. Listening is more receptive, more intimate than seeing. Our culture has become so visually dominated—and most of what we look at are flat-screen images, often designed to get us to act or buy something. Nature, on the other hand, just is. It’s not about you. It doesn’t ask anything of you. That’s rare now.

Mikey B: Maybe that’s why being in nature takes us beyond our usual self-focus—it forces us to engage on its terms.

Paramananda: Yes. For me mindfulness isn’t just an internal state; it’s relational. We are always mindful of something—our breath, the wind, the world around us.

Mikey B: You also use drumming in your retreats - we all get comfortable lying down and you drum. How did that practice enter in?

Paramananda: The lying down aspect comes from an ancient Greek practice called incubation—cultivating openness to external energies. From a meditative perspective, the key thing is learning to relax, letting go of the small, controlling self. That’s what the drumming encourages—relaxing the grip of ego. We spend so much energy trying to manage and manipulate our lives. The drumming disrupts the rational mind, offering another route to letting go.

Mikey B: That connects with Iain McGilchrist’s idea about the brain’s hemispheres—the left side is all about control, dividing things up to get what we want, the right sees the connectedness of life.

Paramananda: Exactly. Mantra chanting works in a similar way, though it engages more alertness than drumming, somewhere between relaxed openness and meditative focus. These practices aren’t new—they exist in every culture because they work.

Mikey B: What's the importance of the group aspect of the retreat?

Paramananda: My early experience of silence came from solitary retreats. With group retreats, we aim to combine solitude’s depth with the support of community. In solitude, you don’t have to manage social dynamics—there’s no wondering what people think of you. But community practice has its own power. Practicing together creates a strong, supportive atmosphere.

Mikey B: That makes sense—even the act of supporting others through creating the retreat conditions helps the practice. It takes us beyond self-focus.

Paramananda: Yes, ultimately it’s about becoming comfortable in the world. Many of us aren’t even comfortable in our own bodies. Modern culture is deeply fractured in ways we barely recognize.

Mikey B: I’m really glad you lead these Gesture of Awakening retreats at Alfoxton. For you, what makes Alfoxton different from other places you teach?

Paramananda: At Alfoxton the land itself is special. But also, the community has a real sense of shared purpose. There’s an adventure happening here—a kind of open, dynamic energy. Other places have their own virtues, but Alfoxton has this fluid, relaxed vitality.

Mikey B: Thanks, Paramananda. I’m looking forward to your retreat in June.

Paramananda: Thank you. I appreciate that. See you then.

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